I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
