It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
