Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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