I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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