Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
