Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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