your thong is hanging out like whoa
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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