I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
