how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
