he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
