She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
