i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Randomize
