YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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