I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Will you blow on my dice?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
