She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Edward fifth and chaser hands
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
