I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
