He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
