he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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