Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
