So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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