quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
