he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
PANTIES FOUND
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
