JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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