I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
