I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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