Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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