and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
