I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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