I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
