Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
