hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
