Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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