i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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