he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
