guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
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