I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i think i just naturally attract stoners
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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