I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
