1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
how can u be prego again
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
