She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
