He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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