I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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