So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
