yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
