Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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