A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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