i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
