"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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