The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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