U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
