I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She's the barista slut.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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