Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
