I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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