i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
