how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
