I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
