my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
