in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize