Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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