You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
