Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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