I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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