i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
