Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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