mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
