i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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