My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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