no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize