Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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