my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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