you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
