I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
