I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
