im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
