If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I fill condoms, not promises.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
