I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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