Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
