Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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