So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We had sex on a dog bed..
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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