I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize