He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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