I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
