So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
