Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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