I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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