My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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