I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
