yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
