I need help removing her.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
