you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
