Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
