Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
