Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
