Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
