Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
