11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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