i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
