Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
