i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
