I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
