Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
