my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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