Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize