If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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