So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Randomize