So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
