there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
